My Somewhat Attainable New Years Resolutions

Every year I make resolutions that I never keep. 2010 has really been an experience, to say the least. I've been single all year, made some really great friends, had nights I'll never ever forget, visited Europe for the first time, fell in love with Europe, and found out exactly what I want to do with my life. So here is to 2011, some of these resolutions may seem dumb to you, but they're things I really need to improve on for myself. Also, I'll probably be able to stick to them if they're in actual writing.

My Resolutions

1. Become better at phone calls- I am the worst when it comes to listening to messages, calling people back, and staying on the phone for long periods of time.

2. Exercise. I mean it. I will drag my ass to the gym at least 4 times a week.

3. Do what I want to please myself, not others. This is something I struggle with on a daily basis, and thanks to a good friend I've made this year, she has taught me to do things that make me happy and not to worry about everyone else's concerns.

4. More time with school, less time with my friends. And by friends, I mean alcohol.

5. Marry an Irish boy- A girl can dream.

Heart of Life

I'm sitting alone in the room, except with the company of our little lit up Christmas tree. It's nice to be here by myself sometimes. I don't usually have time alone to blast my music in the living room while I get ready in the bathroom and eat as much chocolate as I want. But being alone makes me think about all of the amazing people in my life. I feel like that phrase is tossed around a lot, but from the bottom of my heart, I really mean it. I've had the same core group of friends since freshmen year, and since then I've only made more true friends that I can count on. Most people my age can't say that. And I know I mess up and can be selfish and avoid conflict as much as possible, but I'm thankful to have friends who forgive me and accept me as that.

And to the people I've hurt, all I can say is I'm sorry. I am deeply sorry. There are things I'm figuring out that I want to do in my life and I thought I could handle it all, but I can't. I can only hope that when we see each other we'll smile and say hi and you'll remember that I do care about you.

I'm only two days away from home and I'm sad to leave these people for a month, some for months. But I know a few weeks of not seeing friends to oceans apart from each other will not change anything.

Love Always,

Chelsea

One step at a time

Im the idiot. Im the fool. I was wrong.

Your actions were to be expected, everything you did or said was out of love. I was blind and now i see.

Im trying to make things right again. I know itll only take time, but time is all i have. Ill be by your side through it all. I am sorry if sometimes i expect too much, but i am learning. We are growing together and i know our relationship can only grow stronger. Just know that i am sorry. Lets not let the past hold us down, we have a much brighter and happier future ahead of us.

I hope one day you can forgive me. I love you.

Ashley

I can't describe how much I want this semester to be over with. I'm just not happy to be here and I really want to go home. I'm struggling debating whether or not I should come back over winter to take a course. If I do, it will definitely help make things easier with graduating and such. But being up here alone for three weeks sounds miserable. I feel so lost about everything that I just want to cry.

A Four Letter Word

Today was perfect. I cant remember the last time i was this happy.

About a year ago, I gave up the one thing I thought i couldnt live without. Well i lived without it for several months, and it turns out i was just fooling myself. It always felt like there was something missing, it just took me awhile to figure out what it was.

So, here i am again. Im back for the second time. And i can tell you that i am never letting go. I realize what a fool ive been and how stupid i was for giving up something so great. I have it back and i promise ill do whatever it takes to make it last. I know this is what i want, its where i belong. Tears come to my eyes as i write this because i feel awful for the pain i caused. I hurt the one person i loved(and still love) the most. To you, i am sorry a thousand times. I cant take back the hurt i caused, but ill do whatever i can to make up for it. I am so lucky to get a second chance and this time ill never once take it for granted.

I now know what i want and i can say, with a smile on my face, that i will never want anything different. This is as good as it gets and I would be stupid to give it up. I am in love and always will be.

Forever Yours,

Ashley Kristine

Hooters Halloween

If someone had told me when I was 7 years old, when my Halloweens consisted of trick-or-treating and candy eating, that my Halloweens would turn into a weekend of plain drunkenness (sorry Mom and Dad, but you were in college once), I wouldn't have believe you. When I was a kid, I couldn't wait for the second I was allowed to ring a neighbor's doorbell and ask for candy. This year, I couldn't wait to drink so much that I would make regrettable mistakes. The most regrettable being drunk calling.

In some cases, drunk texting is cute. Even talking on the phone after a few drinks can be filled with giglging and fun. But calling and having a twenty minute conversation with someone I care about was beyond ridiculous; and I am shamefully embarrassed for it. I'm not embarrassed to write about this experience because this is the point of our blog- to share about our lives and the stupid things we do in them. But I could have potentially damaged something I have come to truly care about, and all the fun in the world is not worth that mistake. I can't promise that I'm going to never to send the occasional drunk text or call, but I will try.

Go Ahead

A song that i heard today. Thought id share.

if you want to find yourself by travelling out west
or if you want to find somebody else that's better
go ahead
go ahead

if you want to buy a brand new fancy automobile
or if you want to build a place up in coldwater canyon
go ahead
go ahead
go ahead
i wish you would
go ahead

if you want to hold your own hand going up that cliff
or if you want to just hold back cause you ain't up to it
go ahead
go ahead
go ahead
be my guest
go ahead

if you want to hold on to the first girl that you meet
or if you want to settle down and plant roses at my feet
go ahead
go ahead
go ahead
i wish you would
go ahead

if you want to have your cake and eat it too
and if you want to have other people watch you while you eat it
go ahead
go ahead
go ahead
be my guest
go ahead

if you want better things
i want you to have them
if you want better things
then i want you to have them
go ahead
go ahead
go ahead
i wish you would
go ahead
go ahead
i wish you would
go ahead,

Ashley

White Flag

Here i am, finally. I got to the place you were for so long, turns out im standing alone.

Im sorry, i dont know how many different ways or times I can say it. But i mean it.

Im not going to say it was a mistake, because it wasnt. Im better for it, but sometimes i wonder if I would be happier now. Ill never know.

However, im not going to sit here and dwell on the past. I cant and I wont. All i can do is hope that i get that second chance one day. If i do, i can promise that ill do anything to make it work. Ive learned so much from my decision and i now see how meaningful relationships are. I may never get that second chance, but ill continue living my life, and ill give my all in my next relationship.

Im grateful for all my experiences and for the ones to come. For now my heart is in park, but ill find my way to move forward. Fortunately, I have nothing but time. Its going to take a lot of patience, but i wont stop until my heart beats the way it should, until i find something real.

Like Carrie Bradshaw said, " Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies."

Always yours,

Ashley Kristine

Sitting, waiting, wishing

Sometimes i wish i could see into the future. I just want to know itll all work out.

And maybe i couldve been prepared for all thats happening. If someone told me this is how i would feel now, 2 months ago, i wouldve laughed at them and told them theyre crazy. But life is full of surprises.

The heart does silly things, and it always seem to tick when the other's is tocking. It took me a long time to find myself and realize who and where i want to be. Im still working on it, but i have a pretty solid foundation. Im almost 21, and im ready for my real life to begin. I will be graduating next spring and working toward my teaching credentials. The idea of growing up and becoming part of the real world scares me, but i couldnt be more excited. I just cant help but wonder if ill have to go through it alone. I had such a different plan at 19, and i had to go and change it all. I dont regret my decision at all, i figured out what i needed to. Now i wonder if ill ever get that plan back. But i cant see the future and who knows how itll all turn out. All i can do is stay positive and hope for the best. It might not all go according to plan, but whatever happens is how its supposed to happen. Lets just hope that my heart doesnt lose.

A few things that i do know is that i have the worlds greatest friends, especially Chelsea, whom i share this blog with. Without her, i would be more of a wreck than i already am. And of course i owe so much thanks to Sarah, Liz, my roommies, and a few of my neighbors. I love you all.

My parents have been such a big help too. I know i can always count on my family. No matter what my decision, theyll support me through it all. Although my love life may be complicated, my relationship with my friends and family is the best it could be.

On hold,

Ashley

Moving On

It has been far, far too long since our last update. And I apologize to our four readers for this.

Life has been crazy, hectic, stressful, fun, and there are a million different adjectives I could use to describe the way my life is going right now. I feel like I've become a completely different person from even three months ago when I was living careless and free. I now have school to worry about and an internship that I am so blissfully happy at. The only aspect I feel I've been struggling with in my life is trying to be happy alone. And I don't want to make this a blog that is solely used for the purpose of complaining about guys (even though those have been the majority of my posts) but I've been finding myself wanting what I can't have. I should have expected someone to move on after I was a complete jerk ( and I'll admit I was). But it sucks to see, or in my case, assume, that that person is happy with someone else and not me. I know he wasn't the one for me and that there were things in him that I saw as negative traits, but my head won't let me forget the good times we had together. I know in my heart it would be wrong to try to start things back up again while I don't even know what I exactly want. My friends are so right too; If I wasn't completely happy then, what makes me think things will be different now? He deserves someone who is going to make him deliriously happy and give him 100% but I know I can't be that person and he can't be that person for me. The most I can do is wish for him to be happy and hope that we are still friends.

I needed to get this off my chest. My goal is to try to update at least once a week, with pictures and everything. Lets see how this goes.

Love,

Chelsea

Just a Junior

School has officially started! And with it came beautifulllll weather! The sun was shining and so was I. Despite waking up for an 8 am class, i was surprisingly in a great mood. Im right where i belong, with the people i belong with. Although, i am missing home and my summer life.

The last three weeks of summer ended up being the best part of the entire season.
Doesnt it always seem once things start to get good, life happens? It really is all about timing. And somehow i have been cursed with bad timing. But maybe thats just fate; obviously everything happens for a reason. This semester im ready to have fun with my amazing friends, enjoy every minute of this beautiful life and take on whatever life throws at me. Hit me with your best shot, ill be ready, ill be bulletproof. Oh being single has never felt so good :)

Ridin solo,
Ashley

So Long

Tonight is my last night in Riverside. And the last night I'll be spending with my sister until she leaves for Ireland this fall. In all of our 19 years together, this summer has been the closest I have ever been with Jordy- and the thought of not seeing her until Christmas makes me cry every time. Jordy, I can't thank you enough for being here for me this summer. Whether I was obnoxiously intoxicated in the pool in Cabo and you were there telling me I'd be ok, or when I was crying over an ex and you listening to me. I'm going to miss you terribly this semester. But I know you're going to have an amazing experience in Ireland and meet so many awesome people. And you'll probably become an expert on the best beer in Ireland and know all the cool pubs to go to. Just be safe, especially when you meet a charming Irish boy. I promise to write/email/skype as much as I can. I want to hear about all of your adventures, the places you visit, the people you meet, EVERYTHING. Also, take care of my scarf ( I want it back at Christmas). Mom and Dad are going to miss you so, so much. I am so lucky to have you as my best friend and my sister. You're going to do wonderful things in Ireland and I am beyond excited for you. I'll make sure to take care of Leo (seriously).

I love you so incredibly much.

Love,

Chelsea

Happy, Merry, Walking On Air

Today was a defining day for me. I changed my major. Even though college students literally do this everyday, I am finally happy. I know somewhat what I want to do with my life. I have a plan. I've never really had a plan. But here I am finally figuring out what.

This summer has changed me. I spent two weeks with strangers, most who I feel have become some of my dearest friends. This is the first summer I can remember that I've been completely single and full of happiness. I feel the closest I have to my brother and sister than I have ever felt. Life is good and I am overflowing with content.

My family and I leave Sunday for a week long stay in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. I can only imagine the fun we are going have together.

I feel like once school life starts, I'll have more to blog about. Until then, I hope this works :)

Also, congrats to my very best friend, Ashley on her wonderful news!

Love,

Chelsea

Changes

Its hard to not miss the past. And by far, I've learned this lesson the most this past summer. Friendships change, relationships end, and I find myself wondering more and more every day whether I've made the right decisions. I've changed as a person these past 6 months than I have my whole life, but I still miss certain aspects of the old me. I'm going to keep trying my best to figure out what it is that I want.

Also, to the three people that consistently read this blog (my parents), I apologize for not updating more. Orientation is exhausting me.

Love,

Chelsea

All Mixed Up

I guess no one said itd be easy. Growing up can be pretty frustrating. After a long work week and a few hundred dollars spent on car repairs, id say i need a vacation!

And where better than good ol' Monterey! I just need to get away from this town, these people and this rut. Summer is almost half way over and i have yet to see the beach. The weather has been shitty and of course, on my days off, it doesnt get any better. I feel like im stuck inside a bubble, and im dying to get away. Thankfully part of my sanity, Chelsea, is there. What could be better than a vacation spent with a best friend? I cant wait! See you Sunday, Monterey!

Anxiously waiting, Ashley

Perfectly Lonely?

Here i am on a Saturday night. Alone.

My parents are livin it up in Havasu, one best friend is in Monterey, another is busy figuring out her love life, and the rest?, well theyre off doing their own things. This leaves me watching mindless tv while attempting to keep myself occupied on the internet. Tomorrow will be my 4th 8 hour day in a row at the aquarium. Yay for holiday weekends. And believe it or not, people DO come to the aquarium on the Fourth of July. At least i get off at 6, leaving plenty of time for me to get happy (as Chelsea would put it) with my wonderful friends. I must admit it is difficult working 40 hrs a week, but a girls got to do what a girls got to do. And honestly its better than sitting on my ass all day. Furthermore, the aquarium isnt such a bad place to work- great coworkers, awesome exhibits to look at during breaks and a fun atmosphere. Im generally optimistic, which makes many of my problems seem not so bad. But here i am, recently single, and finding the bright side of this dating game can be tricky.

WHY is it that when one person stops caring, the other starts caring? When will you reach the same page? When one starts the dating dance, they tend to seek another that is in the same book and maybe the same chapter, but why does it take so long to get on the same page? And once you get on the same page, how do you stay there? These are age old questions that will never be answered. And the one i have almost always pondered is, Why do we want what we cant have? Its almost like a radar goes off- Oh, they want me... Too bad they cant have me. Hence the "playing hard to get" begins. Screw that. Dating should not be full of games. Rather it should be quite simple and fun. If you dig someone, let them know. Show it, text it, say it. If not, dont lead them on. Thats the worst. We are simply too old for games. I find it MUCH more attractive when i know a guy is interested and shows it. This does not mean you put it all out there on the first date. I mean we do like to work for it a little bit, but when we are struggling to figure out if youre interested in us or not, we become hesitant about the direction of the relationship. So making it clear would be helpful. And if youre really just not that into us, dont make us guess. We would really rather not waste our time. Arent we all here just to get a little taste of happiness and love anyway?

Contemplatively yours, Ashley Kristine

Wakeup Surprise

Today I woke up with the most wonderful surprise.

My friend Tiffany (you can check out her blog, http://lovechocolateandthingsthatsparkle.blogspot.com/) had an amazing idea this past spring semester. She found an organization that allows people all over the United States to write to become pen pals with soldiers stationed in Iraq and Afghanistan.

She then got a bunch of girls together, had us all sign up with much enthusiasm, and soon we had soldiers to write to!

I admit, I was uneasy at first. I felt as though my soldier at the time didn't really like the letters or care that I was writing them, so I took another pen pal, named Chase. I began writing to Chase this summer once I got home about my life and school. This morning when I woke up, I had a letter from Chase waiting on the counter for me!

I am beyond ecstatic. Chase is from Redondo Beach, he's 21 and has 13 tattoos. He wants me to send him pictures of the ocean (I've already printed 5) and wants to know why I started writing to him. I'm not sure if I had the right answer to that question yet, but I know I'll discover it. Today I plan on sending him a belated birthday package and I'm hoping this will be the beginning of a new friendship.

Also, if you want to sign up and write to a soldier, check out their website:

http://adoptaplatoon.org/site/

Love,

Chelsea

Goodbye June, Hello July

There was no better way to spend the last day of June than with a day off!

It was one of the best days ive had this summer. I worked out in the morning then laid by the pool all day. I know, it doesnt sound all that great, but to me it was wonderful. I got some great quality "me" time. Im back on my exercise kick and still on my reading rampage. I spent the night in with my parents, sharing stories and a few drinks. According to my dad, " A family that drinks together, stays together !" I cant imagine a better motto for our family haha. Needless to say, it was a great night! I feel more relaxed and stress-free than i have been feeling, just in time for a crazy work week. I will be working the next four days, a day off, and then three more days. In other words, i will be saying goodbye to my sanity!

July starts tomorrow! June just flew by and im hoping July does the same. And before you know it, ill be back to my CSUMB life. But for now, im enjoying summer! Heres to hoping July proves to be a much more sunny, joyous and eventful month than June.

Love, Ashley

By and By

"Oh, I'll tell you that I
I love you by and by
I don't know if I'd survive
without a friend like you in my life" - "By & By" Brett Dennen

This summer I've had the most fabulous time catching up with friends. I haven't been home long and I'm going away for the next three weeks, but I am so thankful for the amount of time I've gotten to spend with them. Listening to Brett Dennen's song, "By & By" just made me think of how lucky I am. I hope everyone takes time to appreciate the wonderful people in their lives.

Take it or leave it

Over the years i have not only made many great friends, but i have lost some as well. Ive never lost friends to a devastating fight or an unforgivable situation. It has always been over the fact that we have grown up and moved on. At the time, being that persons friend seemed right, but at ages 8,10, and 14, anything sounds great. As we grow up, you discover not only more about your supposed friend, but yourself as well. Im 20, going on 21, and i can tell you that i am such a completely different person than i was at 16. Im more comfortable with myself, i seen and done more things, ive learned who i can and cant rely on and ive accepted who i am. Im ashley, just a girl, who loves to sing, dance, eat ice cream, smile, laugh, talk(sometimes too much), read horoscopes and do crosswords, watch cheesy chick flicks and dress cute. More than that i want to see the world, live without limits, make a difference in someones life, be a good friend, and love honestly. Its simple really, this is what youre going to get with me. Im happy with who i am! And its taken a few lost friendships and many new ones to realize that. But those friendships have made me who i am and with each one i have learned something. So thank you. "You meet people who forget you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes you meet those people you can't forget. Those are your 'friends.'”

Now you know more of what makes me tick. Im hoping all of you can appreciate yourselves and be comfortable in your own skin. Just please dont be hot and cold with me. If you want to be in any part of my life, than be in it, if you dont, than dont. Choose your pick- hot or cold, yes or no, in or out, up or down, wrong or right, black or white. (Thanks Katy Perry) This is who i am, take it or leave it :)

Honestly yours, Ash

Open your heart to me

What a week! I survived four longggg days at the aquarium! Working in the gift shop is much harder than youd think, especially when it involves screaming kids, rude parents, a build-a-fish machine(similar to build-a-bear) and airbrush tattoos. That pretty much sums up my life 40 hrs a week. Thankfully tomorrow is my day off :) Enough work talk, here are a few thoughts-

1. Communication is key. With that said- call me, beep me, if you want to reach me.

2. I dont like the combination of peanut butter and chocolate. But i will eat them separate any day.

3. I miss Monterey. Things were much simpler there. This past month has left me wondering, confused, excited, bored and wanting more. I have realized that my life is no longer at home with my parents in San Pedro, but rather up at school where ive built the more recent part of my life. All im home for is work, work, work, and more work. I cant tell you how much i miss the college life. Dont get me wrong, i love being home with old friends and family, but im longing for the life of a free bird. Also the distance between me and many friends makes things that used to be simple, much more complicated. I dont know what it will be like when we all return, but im excited and hopeful for the upcoming semester.

4. Oh and i must say i had a wonderful time with a few of the best people around last night. Duane, Denver, Anneke, Chelsea, Sam and I all met up for dinner in Downtown Disney. It was so fun to have Duane and Anneke in SoCal!

I think that about covers my midnight blog, which i must say replaced a midnight snack. This working girl is off to cuddle up with her latest book, Slightly Single. Unfortunately, thats about the only thing ill be cuddling up with for awhile.

Love always, Ashley

Boys Are Cheats and Liars, They're Such a Big Disgrace...

I don't know why I have that silly song stuck in my head. Its the one where all the girls would stand in a circle and slap their hands together (I'm not sure slap is the right word choice, but whatever) and sing about how stupid boys are. Mind you, this was in elementary school and I'm STILL singing this song. It just comes to show that even though we're in college and thinking about careers and our futures, we still believe that boys are, for a lack of a better word, stupid. Who knew that a silly song that has probably been passed down for years and years could relate so well in our lives today? Now, I'd like to think that I'm classy. I don't plan on writing about specific boys on this blog (only because this is public, and if they're smart enough to find it then they're smart enough to figure its about them) but I've had some minuscule experience this summer with dating. Some of it fantastic, some of it wasted on stupid guys who don't feel the need to pick up a phone. Either way, they keep giving me ammunition to sing that very tune. Hopefully though, in the distant future, I'll be singing a much nicer song about boys.

Love,

Chelsea

Summer Days Are Easy

She is going to kill me for posting this, but here is the lovely Hannah Fischer on one of our lovely beach days.

The past two weeks have been filled with summer fun and laziness. Lately, our second home has been Newport Beach. Hannah and I have a great routine: grab Subway sandwiches, head to the beach, float around in the water, and look for hot dads (they're there, I swear).

I'm going to miss her when we go our separate ways this summer. But we will definitely be squeezing in another beach day before we head back to school.

Hope you're having a fabulous day!

Love,

Chelsea

My First Post

Sadly, Ashley and I did not dominate in beer pong. We came close, we tried our best to trash talk, but unfortunately we were beat. But that did not break our spirit. No, if anything, we are coming back to Monterey with more force and ambition to win.

I have had a great time visiting San Pedro. Mind you, I am a bit happy. But it has been a great break. As Ashley mentioned, we did excellent shopping. I purchased three pieces in which I am extremely happy about. I am more than excited to wear them when I head back up to school in less than 10 days. Also, to get away from these awful Riverside guys.

Love always,

Chelsea

California Girls

So here it is, my first attempt at blogging.

What a nice day today has been! Chelsea came up to San Pedro last night and we've been having a blast! I luckily had the day off, which meant a day of eating and shopping for us. I took Chelsea to one of the best restaurants in town, Nosh. She loved it, just like i knew she would! The best part was the mint lemonade and the chocolate chip banana bread. We definitely plan on trying to make that next year, we'll see how that goes!

And anyone who knows us knows that when we are together we love 2 things- shopping and ice cream. Whether it be online shopping, window shopping or "shop til you drop" shopping, its one of our favorite hobbies. As for ice cream, i dont think theres anything we dont enjoy, maybe except Cherry Garcia. Bleh! I took Chelsea to our nearby mall and of course we found our way to Forever 21. I must admit we bought very cute pieces that add so much to our fabulous wardrobes. It makes me so excited to get back to Monterey and show them off! :) And we managed to keep it under $ 100, go us!

Tonight we will of course be eating out of our favorite pints of Ben and Jerrys and playing a little BP. Like always me and chels will dominate!

Tomorrow it will be back to work for me, while chelsea drives home to Riverside. Tanning will be put on hold for the next three days as I spend my days inside shark shack and the gift shop at the Long Beach Aquarium. To those that read, I simply ask that you tan a little for me! :)

~Ash

Here we go!